Rewriting the past
by DumbledoresQuill
Summary: What may have been if Lily had made a different choice
1. Default Chapter

None of the characters mentioned here are my property and any which are will clearly be stated in the  
  
chapter.  
  
As the sun set upon Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, Severus Snape had never felt so alone.  
  
His eyes stared down at the piece of parchment, willing him to write a 10 inch essay about Wolfsbane and   
  
yet his concentration was lacking, despite his love of potions. It was her fault, that stupid mudblood,  
  
Lily Evans he belived her name was, of course, he didn't plan to take the time to get to know. He was  
  
used to the teasing of Sirius Black and James Potter, whilst their little friend Peter Pettigrew laughed  
  
nervously and Remus Lupin, that stupid werewolf, didn't know what to do for the best.  
  
Severus lay his head down on the table and images of the day floated through his tired mind, James teasing him,  
  
being hung upside down, Lily trying to stop Sirius and James. Severus wondered why he had been so hostile to  
  
Lily, after all, she had only tried to help, and in all honesty, he had nothing against muggle-borns. But was it her, or the  
  
fact that he had been so mortified, not only the part where she had seen his underwear, but those piercing green eyes that  
  
had shone like fire and ice as one when he called her a mudblood. He wasn't sure what he had felt, but he cursed his hormones  
  
and the fact that this could be a crush in developing. He made a promise to himself to apologise to her in the morning.  
  
By morning, after a restless night, Severus had come to the conclusion that he was to cowardly to apologise but had written  
  
a note to Lily and had decided to send it inconspicuously by owl, property of the school as opposed to his own. He only hoped it wouldn't   
  
fall into the wrong hands.  
  
  
  
Lily Evans fluttered her eyes open as she heard the sound of a cockrel in the morning. She also had had little sleep, and though  
  
she didn't like to admit it, it was down to Severus Snape. It wasn't so much that he didn't like her, but to go as far as to call her that, well,  
  
it just wasn't deserved. She swung her legs off the bed and quickly washed and dressed before making her way to the Great Hall. As she entered,   
  
the headmaster, Armando Dippet, nodded and smiled slightly but it was Albus Dumbledore that Lily favoured over all, despite her natural talent at Charms  
  
above Transfiguration. She had many a times remained behind after class to talk to Dumbledore and today was just one of those days that sge was glad to  
  
have Tansfiguration. Dumbledore was always a father figure to Lily and couldn't understand why people like Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black disliked him  
  
so intently. Perhaps it was his love of muggleborns.  
  
Slipping into a chair beside her close friend, Rubeus Hagrid, Lily shot James Potter an icy glance as he smiled cockily her way. She heard him shout  
  
" Oi, Evans, why so glum when greeted with a sight like this?"  
  
"Perhaps it is that very reason I am so glum" retorted Lily. Just then an owl dropped a note onto her lap, addressed "To Lily, private". She unfolded  
  
and began to read. 


	2. Getting his way

"Dear Lily,  
  
I cannot explain how sorry I am for calling you what I did yesterday.   
  
I also know that my embarrassment is no excuse and hope that you can forgive me. I have no doubt that like Sirius and James, you hate me  
  
but begging your pardon, the feeling isn't mutual.  
  
Severus Snape"  
  
Lily didn't know what to say. Before Hagrid could ask her about the note, she had folded it and tucked it into her robes and as she gazed to the table at the front of the hall, Dumbledore gave her a knowing glance.  
  
"Hagrid, I'll catch up with you later, ok?" Lily said, her attention elsewhere, her eyes now resting upon the Slytherin table, where a particular person's seat was empty.  
  
"All righ' but don' forget, Transfiguration in an hour" responded Hagrid, as Lily stood up and moved for the doorway, James's eyes following her all the way.  
  
James Potter sat confused in his chair at the Gryffindor table. He couldn't understand why Lily had besmirched him, but he didn't like it. Although he didn't like to admit it, he believed it could have something to do with that Snape. He knew he shouldn't persecute him but James just hated him so much, with his greasy, black hair and his nose always in a book, and now, Lily, unlike all the other girls who swooned and sighed as James and Sirius walked by, had scorned him like never before, and it just wouldn't do.  
  
"Whats on your mind, Prongs?" questioned Sirius, His dark hair falling in his eyes, almost as if he had stepped out of an advertisment, the kind that show the perfect teenage boy, his smile dazzling.  
  
"I was just thinking how i'm going to make Lily mine even if it kills me" replied James, running his fingers through his hair to get the desired "messy" effect, which seemed to work as several girls passed out on the table. His looks, like Sirius, got him attention most girls would dream of, but there was one girl he wanted, he just had to figure out how to get her.  
  
Tucked away in the library, with the hope that no-one would find him, Severus had his head in a book, "Most Potente Potions", which was never an unusual sight, but Severus, quite unusual for him had the book upside down, therefore sparking the impression he may not be reading after all. He wondered if Lily had received his note, what she had thought, did she hate him even more? She was probably laughing it up with Potter and Black now. The thought made him shudder, he couldn't deal with anymore teasing and taunts, especially from her. He acted like he didn't care but deep down, he wanted to be James or Sirius so much, popular, naturally gifted at Quidditch, and the type who never cracked open a book yet could get good O.W.Ls despite this. On top of hating Potter, he hated himself and this thought was enough to lead Severus to despair like he had never felt.  
  
Lily ran down the steps from the common room towards the painting of the Fat Lady and was blocked by none other than James Potter.  
  
"Look, Evans, I just wanted to apologise for anything I've done that has put us on bad terms..."  
  
"We were never on good terms, now please move 'cause if you don't mind, I've got something to do."Lily snapped.  
  
"Just hear me out. Look, I know I sometimes come across as a big-headed pratt but the truth is, I'm just trying to appear confident. I know I may live to regret saying this but I really like you and was wondering if you would like to come to Hogsmede with me?"asked James, almost pleadingly.  
  
"I would but you know, I have to wash my house-elf's hair!"Lily remained unfazed by James's little speech.  
  
"Ok, but don't say I was cocky or presuming when I asked you, Evans. I was polite, honest and I apologised but nothing is good enough for you" James blurted.  
  
"I'm not the one you need to apologise to, Potter" Lily fumed," Did you ever stop to think how Severus might feel when you tease him, when you throw things at him. You were horrible yesterday and you know it. Wether you like him or not, he doesn't deserve that!"  
  
"So its all about him, is it?Lily fancies old greasy hair there"James said cooly. Lily's eyes blazed with fury.  
  
"Even if I did, its got nothing to do with you, Potter, and don't believe I could ever fall for you for one second!Now get out of my way"  
  
James stepped aside and as Lily left through the portrait he murmured,  
  
"We'll see, Evans, We'll see." 


	3. Friends

Lily rushed upto the owlery with a piece of parchment and her quill. As she got to the top of the stairs, she ran in and closed the door behind her. She began to write "Dear Severus, meet me in the library at 9pm. Lily x" She sent it with her own owl so as not to show any shame or embarrasment and set off for transfiguration.  
  
Severus decided to feign sickness in order to avoid transfiguration with the Gryffindors, and set off towards the hospital wing. Madame Pompfrey couldn't find anything wrong with him but told him to lie down anyway. Moments later, a handsome tawny owl flew through the window and dropped a note before stealing some grapes from the bowl by Severus's side and flying off again. Severus read the note several times, hardly daring to believe that it could actually be happening to him. Half of him was desperate to go to the library then, and wait the eleven hours until Lily would be there but his other half told him not to go at all, let alone early. He was going to need to prepare!  
  
With his jaw set, James sat watching Lily, as if daring her to look round. As he began to grind his teeth, Sirius piped up, "All right, mate?"  
  
"Not really. I just wore my heart on my sleeve for that ungrateful Evans, and she tried to make a fool out of me" James scowled.  
  
"Forget her mate. Not worth it. Look at all this gorgeous girls just dying to go out with you" Sirius smiled at some girls in the class, who in shock, started projectile vomiting, so that class was dismissed so it could be cleared up. James contemplated following Lily, but Dumbledore had called back, just as several house elves ran full pelt in to clean up the classroom, overjoyed at extra work.  
  
"I sense you have a problem, Lily" Dumbledore's eyes bored into her, gleaming with understanding yet still bearing the slightly amused look they never seemed to lose.  
  
"Well, its a bit of a long story",she shrugged.  
  
"You have an hour before Herbology and I have no prior engagements so let us share, hm?"  
  
"Well, it started yesterday......." began Lily  
  
".....and now, James Potter is persuing me, who I don't really hate, in fact I quite like him, but there is Severus too, and I can't decide if I really do like him, or whether its just pity," Lily blurted out.  
  
Dumbledore gave a slight smile, "Ah, the joys of adolescence. I, of course, got through it alive but my brother, Aberforth, reacted quite strange although he was never normal." Dumbledore's beard twitched with what Lily assumed to be a smile.  
  
"But what should I do, Professor?" Queried Lily.  
  
"One must follow one's heart but must not be blinded by one persons appearance, because looks aren't everything, as Aberforth quite clearly showed after he removed his nose, and it re-appeared somewhere the sun doesn't generally reach."  
  
Lily didn't know whether to shudder or giggle so opted for both.  
  
"Thanks, Professor." Lily answered before setting off for her next class.  
  
At 6.00pm, Severus was quite hysterical and had taken to walking around wringing his hands. He decided to work on his appearance before thinking about what he would say. He gazed in the mirror and saw just what James had called him, a greasy haired misery. Grabbing his shampoo and clean, black robes, he set off for the boys second floor bathroom, which was always quite deserted for no apparent reason. After washing his hair, and changing into fresh robes, he looked in the mirror and smiled. Ok, so he was no James or Sirius, but what he saw staring back was a perfectly good looking fifteen year old boy, with long, silky black hair and a decent smile. Feeling, for the first time in his life, quite optimistic, he set of to wait in the library.  
  
Lily entered the library and saw the shadow of Severus in the corner. Breathing in deeply, she walked towards him. A sharp intake of breath occured when Severus stood up and smiled, something she had never seen him do before and his perfectly straight, black hair framed his face nicely. Regaining her senses, she sat down, Severus imitating her waiting for her to speak.  
  
"Thanks for the apology", she finally mustered up the words to say,"It was much appreciated and I have to ask, is there something different about you?"  
  
"No, and nor is there about you because you always look this beautiful" Severus replied, colour flushing in his cheeks, colour which had never before been there.  
  
Lily blushed."Thanks, you're looking very good yourself. I just thought we could get together for a chat like" Lily paused, "like friends".  
  
Severus looked taken aback so Lily quickly spoke up, "Of course, we don't have to be, I just thought...."  
  
"No! Its just that, well, I've never had a friend before" Severus looked down.  
  
"Well, I honestly can't understand why apart from the fact that you never try, never talk to anyone" Lily explained to him, trying to be careful about what she said.  
  
"Its not that I don't want to, its just that I'm shy, well, until James and Sirius, then it was just anger".  
  
"Them" replid Lily, hotly, "They think they are everything, except Remus. He's ok. You shouldn't let them bully you."  
  
"I know, but I feel better knowing that I have a friend" Severus smiled. "I was wondering....."  
  
"Yes?" Lily pushed quite hopeful.  
  
"....if, um, if you wanted to study together?" He supplied.  
  
"Oh,sure"Lily said, crestfallen.  
  
"No, I didn't mean that!"  
  
"You didn't" Lily asked, now confused.  
  
"What I meant was, well, WillyougotoHogsmedewithme?" Severus blurted.  
  
"I thought you'd never ask" Lily smiled. 


	4. Shattered hearts

News soon got round that the beautiful Lily Potter had been asked out by Severus Snape, and yet for all the teasing he got, Severus didn't care, because he had the most beautiful girl he had ever met on his arm, so to speak. It drove James insane with jealousy to see Lily laughing at Snape's jokes, smiling fondly as he helped her in potions, or she assisted him in charms, and most of all, the fact that Severus was becoming more and more popular because of Lily, now even friends with the ever steady couple, Alice and Neville Longbottom and also Rubeus Hagrid. It drove James wild.  
  
Lily, on the other hand, loved bringing friends to Snape and watching his face light up if he had something in common with them. She felt herself slowly falling for his natural naivety and vulnerability and couldn't wait until next week, when they would go to Hogsmede together.  
  
She made her way to transfiguration the next day, almost willing the end of the lesson so she could speak with Dumbledore.  
  
"Professor, you were completely right! I've never been so happy as when I am with Severus and it makes me so happy to see him with friends. The only people determined to dislike him are Sirius and James." Lily gushed, excitedly, barely stopping to breathe.  
  
"I'm glad to see you so happy, Lily, but I must warn you. Severus is showing an unhealthy interest in the dark arts, not just the defence of, and I want you to show him that it isn't right without estranging yourself. Can you try for me, Lily?"Dumbledore looked concerned.  
  
"I'll try, Professor, anything for you and Severus," she promised.  
  
Lily found Severus in the library, reading a book which she couldn't see the title of. He smiled when he saw her but when she didn't return it, he looked confused.  
  
"Is there a problem, Lily?" he asked, curious, with a hint of worry in his voice.  
  
"Actually there is"She responded,"I've heard, from a very reliable source, that you are dabbling in Dark magic, Severus, and I've come to warn you, if it is true, you will lose all your friends, but most of all, you will lose me. I'll never look back, and will have no contact with you, because above all things, I hate the dark arts."  
  
Severus looked shocked yet it dawned on him that she was telling the truth and if he lost Lily, life wouldn't be worth it to him anymore.  
  
"I give you my word, from now until the end of time, Lily, I promise," and Lily saw no reason to doubt him, because he looked utterly terrified at the prospect of returning to his previous life. Lily smiled and whispered, "I knew I could count on you", before leaving.  
  
Entering the Gryffindor common room, Lily's heart felt considerably lighter until she saw, standing across the room, James Potter, staring at her.  
  
"So, been with lover boy have you?" He spat at her. She knew he wouldn't talk to her in such a way if his precious friends were there, so Lily saw no reason to feel intimidated.  
  
"Actually, yes, so if you don't mind, I'm tired and would like to go to bed." She said, not flinching at his tone of voice.  
  
"Yeah, well, I wanted to take you out but we don't always get what we want. I really liked you, Evans."  
  
"I'm sorry, but I can't date someone that I don't have feelings for, just like you won't date any of those other girls."  
  
"So you have feelings for old greasy hair?" James taunted.  
  
"Well, now you mention it, yes" Lily told him."Look, if you aren't going to get out of my way, I'll just have to go elsewhere."  
  
"Anywhere you go I'll follow" James said, quite menacingly but Lily simply found him tiresome.  
  
"Fine, but just don't carry on the conversation." Lily sighed. She made her way down the stone steps to the portrait, James followed her and as they got out of the Gryffindor tower, he grabbed her by the arm.  
  
"Don't try to ingnore me, Evans" He snapped.  
  
"Get of me, Potter!" she struggled, not seeing who James did just turning into the corridor.  
  
"In fact, I might just give you a kiss" He smiled and there and then, James kissed Lily. After moments of squirming to get free, she stood there shocked, then turned round to see Severus drop the Lilies he was carrying and bolt down the corridor. 


	5. Healing

Snape dropped the curtains around his bed and began to sob. He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed, and what made it so much worse was that it was his arch enemy, James, and Lily knew how much she disliked him. In fact, she had claimed to detest him also, but Snape didn't care anymore. If he had hated himself before, it was beyond that now. The girl that he had adored had made a fool of him and he wanted no more to do with her.  
  
Lily paced uncontrollably, Rubeus unable to console her. She wanted to talk to Severus straight away but there was no way she'd be able to to get into the Slytherin common room.  
  
"Calm down, Lily", Hagrid soothed, "He'll undetstan' when yer explain it to 'im".  
  
Lily didn't care. It then hit her like a bolt of lightning and she ran down the steps, out of the Gryffindor common room, with Hagrid shouting after her "Where yer goin' lily?"  
  
She ran until she got to the owlery, scrambled round for some parchment and a quill and when she found them wrote, "Severus, it wasn't what you thought. Please let me explain, you mean everything to me, forever yours, Lily x". She sent it off and retreated down-heartedly to her room, twitching at any noise resembling an owl returning with a reply. For weeks, she pined for Severus but no reply ever came. No amount of consoling helped and when the hurt turned into anger, there was only one person to blame.  
  
"How could you, James Potter? You said you cared about me but people don't people they care about, do they?" Lily shouted  
  
James, for the first time, realised the damage he had done.  
  
"I couldn't help it, Lily, I just liked you so much and to see you with him was killing me. It was like you ripped my heart out and stamped on it!" Lily realised for the first time that what she was feeling was much how James must have felt all those weeks ago, but he had dealt with it in the wrong way.  
  
"James, how would you like to come with me to Hogsmede next time?" Lily asked softly. 


	6. Meeting again

5 YEARS LATER  
  
A twenty year old Severus stepped off the Hogwarts express, returning to the school at which he had studied Wizardry and now here he was beginning his job as potions master. Many a wizard would have been nervous, excited and happy yet Severus's face had adopted a miserable look, a look that had never left since he was fifteen and Lily Evans had broke his heart. He had never forgiven her yet he had come to learn that she had split up from James Potter quite soon after their leaving Hogwarts, which Severus claimed to be indifferent about. He looked at some of the happy faces and felt bitterness that his own happiness had been stolen and nothing had ever yet replaced it, leaving Severus Snape cold and alone inside.  
  
Lily Evans sat at a table eating ice-cream in Diagon Alley with her old friend, Hagrid, who had recently been made game-keeper at Hogwarts. Lily's appetite soon vanished with Hagrid's news.  
  
"Didn' ye hear, Lily, Snape's got a job at Hogwart's, potions master so I heard" Hagrid seemed oblivious to Lily's spoon hitting the table. She hadn't spoke to or about Severus since the fateful night that James Potter had kissed her five years ago, and though she had dated James for just over two years, she had never quite got over Severus.  
  
"Oh, really?" said Lily, sounding uninterested but a plan forming in her mind. Hagrid assumed that Lily really wasn't interested and persued the conversation no more after that, unaware that Lily was plotting how to get Snape back into her life".  
  
Arriving at a bed and breakfast in Hogsmede, Lily was prepared to put the next phase of her plan into action. She would visit Dumbledore, now headmaster, at Hogwarts and just drop in Severus, so he wasn't prewarned. After changing into some emerald dress robes, Lily set off on the short walk towards the school, arriving in little more that five minutes. Walking through the main entrance, towards the sealed doorway of the Headmaster's office. Knowing there would be some kind of password, she asked a nearby portrait which told her to try fizzing whizzbees. Upon stating this, the door swung open and a staircase rose up towards a door. Lily carefully walked up and knocked on the door.  
  
"Enter" Came a deep voice which could only be that of Dumbledore. Lily pushed the door and walked in, at which point Dumbledore's face lit up and he rushed forwards to embrace her in a hug, for although they had been in contact, the pair had not been united since Lily left Hogwarts. Lily ran and found herself enveloped in the arms of Dumbledore, who she had sorely missed, and only then, as tears ran down her face did she realise just how much. Dumbledore too found himself filling up, for although he had never told anyone, Lily had always been the daughter he had never had.  
  
"Lily, little one" Dumbledore smiled, wiping away a tear, "How wonderful it is to see you, but what pray tell, has brought you all this way?"  
  
"A chance to be reunited with my closest friend in the wizarding world, and also the possible love of my life"Lily dried her face.  
  
Dumbledore nodded knowingly. He had been witness to all that had happened those five years ago, and had sensed the loss that Lily had felt. "Well, I invite you to join us at the great feast tonight but I know that only one teacher right now is in the staff room and he might like the chance to talk, so we must catch up later!" Dumbledore told her.  
  
"Thank you" Lily sniffed and made her way to the staff room.  
  
Severus sat in the staff room, marking his first pile of homework he had received so far when there was a tap at the door.  
  
"Yes?" He called impatiently, not quite in the mood for company. Not bothering to turn around, he didn't see Lily standing behind him.  
  
"Severus?" she murmured, causing him to drop his quill and look around, a look of anger creasing his forehead.  
  
"What do you want?" He spat.  
  
"A chance to explain"Lily begged.  
  
"I don't want your explanations" Snape spat."Just get out. GET OUT!"  
  
Lily ran towards the main entrance, and only when she got outside did she begin to sob uncontrollably and sink to her knees, as the rain pelted upon her, soaking into her skin.  
  
Lily hadn't made an appearance at the Great feast and Dumbledore hadn't seen her at all since she left. Beginning to get quite worried, he approached Severus.  
  
"I see you had company today, Severus?"  
  
"Company that was not required, Professor." Snape said not even looking at Dumbledore.  
  
"Maybe so, Severus, but that visitor is very dear to me and since she has not appeared for dinner, I am quite concerned as to her whereabouts." Just then Hagrid, quite breathless, dashed into the hall, soaking wet.  
  
"Headmaster, I need you right away!" Hagrid said urgently.  
  
"Can't it wait, Hagrid?" Dumbledore sighed.  
  
"No, sir, its Lily! I found her passed out outside, soaked to the skin and running an extremely high temperature."  
  
Dumbledore bolted towards the door, leaving Severus to sit there in complete shock. 


	7. When the fire ignites

Snape sat with his head in his hands, unable to comprehend what had happened. He couldn't help but know it was his fault but then again, hadn't Lily hurt him all those years ago? Hadn't she decided it wasn't him she wanted? So why was he desperate to see her, to hold her, to stroke her face? They had been so close and she had cut him deep yet Severus knew if he didn't forgive, he would regret it forever. He set off for the hospital wing, but by the time he got there, Lily was gone. Of course he had been foolish to think she would just wait there to be swept off her feet by him, this miserable faced man, who had forgotten what it was to smile. She didn't want him, not then, not now, not ever.  
  
Lily sat in Dumbledore's office, by the fire. Madam Pompfrey had cured her within minutes but whatever medicine it was hadn't removed the hollow feeling within Lily's heart. Dumbledore sat in his chair watching Lily.  
  
"I too know what it means to love, Lily. In fact, I happen to love too much. One is a woman who can never be mine, and the other is a young girl who is hurting, who I wish I could take away the pain for, because she is my little girl," sighed Dumbledore.  
  
Lily felt a surge of love for this man she had looked upto since she had met him and she flew into his arms before whispering, "Do dremas come true?"  
  
Dumbledore, surprised by her rush of affection, replied "Only if we want it enough."  
  
"Dumbledore, who is it that can never be yours?" Lily asked.  
  
"A beautiful, young Transfiguration teacher, by the name of McGonagall. Now, I believe someone is waiting to talk to you outside the door."  
  
Severus got a shock as Dumbledore opened the door and said "She's all yours, Severus." He wasn't ready for this but he'd have to try. He took and deep breath and walked in the room. She was sat on the rug, in front of the fire, gazing in, the flames lighting up the emeralds buried deep in her eyes. He was about to backtrack with fear, when she caught sight of him and jumped up.  
  
"Severus!"  
  
"Lily. I believe you had an explanation for me?" Said Snape, keeping his cool. Lily recoiled at this expression of tone but didn't show her hurt.  
  
"Well, it started on that day when James was teasing you......"Lily started to explain.  
  
"And so, it was him that enforced the kiss on me. I tried to get free, and when I finally did, I saw you running away," she finished up.  
  
"And I never gave you the chance to explain." Severus looked away.  
  
"Its ok, Severus, how were you to know? But we never got to go on that trip to Hogsmede you invited me on." Lily sighed.  
  
"Lets go now then"Snape suggested.  
  
"Everythings closed" Lily looked confused, "Where would we go?"  
  
"It doesn't matter as long as I'm with you" He supplied.  
  
An hour later, sat on a grassy bank in Hogsmede, Lily found herself enveloped in the arms of a man she had always loved. She thought she had reached heaven but never died to begin with. They lay there, appreciating the silence until Snape asked,"Why did you pick me?"  
  
Lily sat up "I didn't at first. I saw you being teased and I hated Potter for it but you called me a mudblood and I hated you too. Then you sent that note, and you didn't turn up to Charms so I guessed that you had a crush and Dumbledore told me to give you a chance. It didn't take me long to work out what a great guy you are."  
  
"Oh" Snape finally replied."I loved you forever, since I first saw you. I never dreamed you'd be mine"  
  
"Any dream can come true if you wish hard enough," and with that Lily reached up, pulled his face towards her, and that night she made love with the only man she would ever love. 


End file.
